I really did not want to do this today. I don't like being accountable, I guess. Actually, what kind of freak does? Had several mini twix candy bars for breakfast, isn't that healthy? Had a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch, a few chunks of coffee cake for lunch, with some cookies and an egg nog steamer for lunch, and 2 pieces of toast after I got home. Didn't wait for hunger, and nothing really healthy for me. Blah. My kidney also hurts still and am nauseous, so am hoping the kidney infection is not back.
I am wussing out and not going any further today, didn't even get into my Bible, athough the day isn't over, quite. Tomorrow is a new start, will hope and pray for grace unto obedience.
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
Day 4
Missed yesterday, just too hard to think logically and get it down without a lot of fixing. Couldn't stand it though and weighed myself today. Up .2 lbs. Not too surpising, but spent so much time urinating had hoped that I would be down a little bit. Definitely did better today, no trail mix or anything like that. No goodies at Gleaners either, which was also helpful. What was worse was no time in scripture either. Kept meaning too, but never happened. It also hard with Natalie wanting/needing so much lap time it is hard to use the computer.
Today I read in Romans 8 verse 1 that there is no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh,but after the Spirit. So then, is there condemnation if I am walking in the flesh? Why is it so hard to walk after the Spirit. Goes back to the previous time spent in Romans. If I have been set free, why don't I feel or act free. I conveniently put the statutes behind me when I am being tempted by something that is a real weakness for me. I spit on the sacrifice of His horrific death. I feel bad, sad, guilty, apprehensive, all these things, but not enough to make the hard decisions. I say I love Him, but do I act it, as I say to my husband.
Today I have had dried bananas and cheese, grilled cheese sandwich, 3 sausage patties, and I think that is it. I seem to have forgotten lunch. And vegetables.
So on to tomorrow, with hopes for tales of success and self denial.
Today I read in Romans 8 verse 1 that there is no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh,but after the Spirit. So then, is there condemnation if I am walking in the flesh? Why is it so hard to walk after the Spirit. Goes back to the previous time spent in Romans. If I have been set free, why don't I feel or act free. I conveniently put the statutes behind me when I am being tempted by something that is a real weakness for me. I spit on the sacrifice of His horrific death. I feel bad, sad, guilty, apprehensive, all these things, but not enough to make the hard decisions. I say I love Him, but do I act it, as I say to my husband.
Today I have had dried bananas and cheese, grilled cheese sandwich, 3 sausage patties, and I think that is it. I seem to have forgotten lunch. And vegetables.
So on to tomorrow, with hopes for tales of success and self denial.
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Day 2
Today was a little bit harder. Being ill fills me with the need for comfort food. There isn't a lot of comfort food that is low carb and/or good for me. Today I had 4 pieces of cheese for breakfast, 10 meatballs for late lunch or early dinner, 3 of those little bags of trail mix, some more cheese, and 2 pieces of whole grain toast. I also ate the meatballs past full, and wasn't totally hungry again when I had the trail mix. No exercise today, but that is still in part because of my back pain, and it is impossible for me to use the gazelle without using my arm.
In the Bible again in Romans 6 I read that "what fruit had ye then in those things of which I am now ashamed? for the end of those things are death. For me not just spiritual death but literal death. Being fat will kill me. " but now that i have been made free sin and become a servant to God I have my fruit unto holiness and the end everlasting life. " I don't feel free yet, I feel like I am anchored down in my rebellious heart, striving to shed it behind me like a shed skin. I want to be free of this burden, to be holy, to automatically make the right choice. I want to be the new woman only. Earlier in the chapter is says that my old man has been crucified, that the body of sin might be destroyed and that henceforth I will not serve sin. I must meditate upon this, maybe it will keep me from picking up wrong food choices. I don't need to struggle with this, it has been crucified with Jesus. I keep putting myself there, the old man tied to my back like they used to do with the murderer and his victim. Why do I cling to my dead and rotting old man?
I am getting in the scripture, but not until I sit to do this blog. I need it to be the first part of my day, not the end. I need to continue trying to only eat when hungry, and hopefully find foods that are more appropriate for my health issues. I am finding that I really really have to work on getting the veggies in. maybe that will be my goal for next week instead. I need to remind myself to do too much at a time.
Today was a little bit harder. Being ill fills me with the need for comfort food. There isn't a lot of comfort food that is low carb and/or good for me. Today I had 4 pieces of cheese for breakfast, 10 meatballs for late lunch or early dinner, 3 of those little bags of trail mix, some more cheese, and 2 pieces of whole grain toast. I also ate the meatballs past full, and wasn't totally hungry again when I had the trail mix. No exercise today, but that is still in part because of my back pain, and it is impossible for me to use the gazelle without using my arm.
In the Bible again in Romans 6 I read that "what fruit had ye then in those things of which I am now ashamed? for the end of those things are death. For me not just spiritual death but literal death. Being fat will kill me. " but now that i have been made free sin and become a servant to God I have my fruit unto holiness and the end everlasting life. " I don't feel free yet, I feel like I am anchored down in my rebellious heart, striving to shed it behind me like a shed skin. I want to be free of this burden, to be holy, to automatically make the right choice. I want to be the new woman only. Earlier in the chapter is says that my old man has been crucified, that the body of sin might be destroyed and that henceforth I will not serve sin. I must meditate upon this, maybe it will keep me from picking up wrong food choices. I don't need to struggle with this, it has been crucified with Jesus. I keep putting myself there, the old man tied to my back like they used to do with the murderer and his victim. Why do I cling to my dead and rotting old man?
I am getting in the scripture, but not until I sit to do this blog. I need it to be the first part of my day, not the end. I need to continue trying to only eat when hungry, and hopefully find foods that are more appropriate for my health issues. I am finding that I really really have to work on getting the veggies in. maybe that will be my goal for next week instead. I need to remind myself to do too much at a time.
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Day One
I am making Sunday my official weigh day. Last night it was 251.4, but this morning it was back down to 248.0. I am planning on weighing once a week, but we will see. I am hoping to loose 4 lbs by the new year. Actually, as I think about what is left of the month, I am going for 2 lbs. My desire is to do something easily doable, and trying to loose over the holiday season is going to be enough of a challenge.
My food intake for the day is 2 packages of instant oatmeal with butter and Splenda, a small package of cashews, Dea burger, low carb bar, 2 little packages of trail mix, 4 pieces of american cheese, and that is it. I am quite hungry, so will probably get a snack before bed. I am planning on having peanut butter and sugar free pickle on a low carb tortilla. Not all low carb, but nothing without being hungry, and nothing past the first flush of full.
I did not make it to exercise today, but did get to look at the Bible. Not a lot of time spent, but did turn my thoughts to Jesus. I think my main goal, other than the food itself, is to spend time in the Bible daily. Nothing else, in spite of my obsessive/compulsive personality. Romans 6, always a brain buster. I am free of sin, yielding myself to the law that I follow. Unfortunately, I seem to yield myself to sin more often than not. Why can't I act free from these bonds? In Psalms, going along with Romans, it says that I did not put away his statutes from me, that I was also upright before him, and I kept myself from mine inquity. Further on in chapter 18, it says for thou wilt light my candle: the Lord my god will enlighten my darkness. The verse I really love is how thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip. How much my god loves me.
So, tomorrow, I will continue ponder on these scriptures, as I go though the day and it's temptations. I will try to get some exercise in, but mostly I will try to be obedient. No, I will not try but will do it.
My food intake for the day is 2 packages of instant oatmeal with butter and Splenda, a small package of cashews, Dea burger, low carb bar, 2 little packages of trail mix, 4 pieces of american cheese, and that is it. I am quite hungry, so will probably get a snack before bed. I am planning on having peanut butter and sugar free pickle on a low carb tortilla. Not all low carb, but nothing without being hungry, and nothing past the first flush of full.
I did not make it to exercise today, but did get to look at the Bible. Not a lot of time spent, but did turn my thoughts to Jesus. I think my main goal, other than the food itself, is to spend time in the Bible daily. Nothing else, in spite of my obsessive/compulsive personality. Romans 6, always a brain buster. I am free of sin, yielding myself to the law that I follow. Unfortunately, I seem to yield myself to sin more often than not. Why can't I act free from these bonds? In Psalms, going along with Romans, it says that I did not put away his statutes from me, that I was also upright before him, and I kept myself from mine inquity. Further on in chapter 18, it says for thou wilt light my candle: the Lord my god will enlighten my darkness. The verse I really love is how thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip. How much my god loves me.
So, tomorrow, I will continue ponder on these scriptures, as I go though the day and it's temptations. I will try to get some exercise in, but mostly I will try to be obedient. No, I will not try but will do it.
The start of the adventure?
I have decided to try this method of being accountable in my walk toward better health. I am tired of being so heavy nothing fits comfortably. I have lost all the muscle I devoped over the spring and summer, and I am easily out of breath again. I have no lap, and I worry that people look at my slender husband and feel sorry for him. So, what am I going to do about it?!
I need to start exercising again. Last time I did boot camp, 1 hour daily, and I felt really good about myself. I will start on the gazelle, and I will talk to Steve about walking again. I think I need to try doing this in the a.m. right off the bat, maybe before dressing even.
I think that I need to be deligent in going low carb also. With the holiday season upon us, I will modify it with only eating when hungry, stopping when full. I have the tools, now I need the self control. Or maybe God control would be a better way to put it.
I also want to try keeping track of what I eat. I think that will help me stay accountable also. Couldn't hurt anyway. That is what I am hoping this blog will do for me.
Spending time in the scripture is the key as always. staying close to God can only keep me focused on obedience in this area. I don't eat excessively as a rule, but it is not the food for me. So, I will also jounal this in my blog. Maybe if I work on the why's and wherefore's I will find it easier to say no. I think that entertaining the notion of bariatric surgery has not been good for me. I have it in the back of my mind as an out, but if I lose to much, I will no longer be a candidate. I think I have been sabotaging myself because of this.
I want to be healthy. I want to be attractive to my husband. I don't want to be a figure of disgust to stangers. I want my children to be proud of me. I want to be a good example to my daughters. I want to wear sexy underwear. I want to get clothes at gleaners easily, since I am a normal size. I want to feel good, and not go on diabetes medicines. I want to be pregnant without added problems. I want to be able to shave my legs all the way up on both sides. I want to easily shave my underarms. I want to be pleasing to my lord, and my Lord. I am sure as time goes by, I will find more reasons.
I need to start exercising again. Last time I did boot camp, 1 hour daily, and I felt really good about myself. I will start on the gazelle, and I will talk to Steve about walking again. I think I need to try doing this in the a.m. right off the bat, maybe before dressing even.
I think that I need to be deligent in going low carb also. With the holiday season upon us, I will modify it with only eating when hungry, stopping when full. I have the tools, now I need the self control. Or maybe God control would be a better way to put it.
I also want to try keeping track of what I eat. I think that will help me stay accountable also. Couldn't hurt anyway. That is what I am hoping this blog will do for me.
Spending time in the scripture is the key as always. staying close to God can only keep me focused on obedience in this area. I don't eat excessively as a rule, but it is not the food for me. So, I will also jounal this in my blog. Maybe if I work on the why's and wherefore's I will find it easier to say no. I think that entertaining the notion of bariatric surgery has not been good for me. I have it in the back of my mind as an out, but if I lose to much, I will no longer be a candidate. I think I have been sabotaging myself because of this.
I want to be healthy. I want to be attractive to my husband. I don't want to be a figure of disgust to stangers. I want my children to be proud of me. I want to be a good example to my daughters. I want to wear sexy underwear. I want to get clothes at gleaners easily, since I am a normal size. I want to feel good, and not go on diabetes medicines. I want to be pregnant without added problems. I want to be able to shave my legs all the way up on both sides. I want to easily shave my underarms. I want to be pleasing to my lord, and my Lord. I am sure as time goes by, I will find more reasons.
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